Live for the moment

Imagine you came to me, early in the morning…it was dark and misty and you were drunk...I took you to my room, feeling like a thief in the night, careful not to be seen by jealous eyes that would look at me and misjudge me. But the urge to exploit you is stronger...
We come to my room and I look at you...I can see many flaws and I know, you are not the girl to spend a lifetime with...and that I won’t let my guard down for you...but it doesn’t matter for now. I just keep looking in your eyes and enjoy your outer beauty...I’m being totally superficial and shallow for now, but I don’t care. I just listen half hearted to the meaningless drivel you’ve to tell me, pretending some understanding to push some of your buttons...you’re too drunk or careless anyway to realize it. However, I’m a little bit surprised...are you really that gullable? Are you the one who tries to seduce me? I wonder what’s going on in your head while you talk and talk and I just nod...then you seem to get tired, you take off your stilettos and sassy as you are, you place yourself on my bed...we’ve talked for over an hour now and the morning is coming closer...you tell me “It’s time to sleep now” and go to bed...I’m surprised and a bit frustrated too, because I haven’t reached my goal yet. But what choice do I have? I’m not some bastard who’d take advantage of the situation although I’m quite sure, you wouldn’t be reluctant in your current state.
Drunk as you are, you fall asleep very fast...I just look at you, not sure what to do...I’m feeling unsatisfyed with myself and the situation, so I decide to be more daring...I place myself next to you(after all, it’s my bed) and try to get some rest...but I can’t sleep, you chased the last ounce of sleep out of my body...so instead, I’m getting closer and closer to you...I can feel suddenly, that maybe my goal isn’t that far after all...
I’m looking at you, lying there, so innocent...you’re in a deep sleep now...you don’t seem to realize how I put my arms around you and spoon you...I just want to feel close to you know and the charade begins...I smell your odor of cigarettes, cheap wine and pherormons...what a strange mixture...but gosh, how wonderful it feels to hold you in my arms and pretend...I imagine all the things that could be between us, while I know it never will be...from first date until marriage, it all happens in seconds in my head...and I’m well aware of it. But it doesn’t matter, because all that matters now is this moment, nothing else...that’s what I hoped for when I let you in, that’s why I endured your pointless drivel, that’s why I don’t give a damn what you think about me...right now, I’m using you...if you use me too, it doesn’t matter to me, because I just think of myself now.
I tenderly kiss your forehead and places kisses on your eyelids and neck...and cuddle myself closer to you again. I can feel that almost nothing could top this now...except for the “real deal”, a real kiss...or plenty of them. But I’m not the kind of guy who’d wake you now...it might destroy the illusion and where would be my good manners then?
I’m starting to feel melancholy though...I know it’s just this moment...it’s a wonderful moment, but it’s a lie, like most of the moments in our life. The truth couldn’t life up to the reality...maybe that’s why guys always want to leave afterwards? They don’t want the reality to cheapen the memory? But nah, I bet I’m the only guy who has space for romantic or melancholic thoughts about life and love...
We’ve been lying like this for maybe 3 hours now...you wake up and of course now things start to get out of hand a bit...you talk to much again and it starts to cheapen my memory already...so I want to shut you up and tell you frankly what I want...to kiss you, it’s what I’m longing for...you call me naughty, yet we both know you’re way naughtier than me, it doesn’t take a scientist to see that from the look in your eyes...so I don’t expect anything anymore and start to drift off into memories while you keep ranting about something I don’t care about...don’t bother me with your petty problems please...
But...what is this? You changed your mind? Suddenly, you tell me that you have a “surprise” for me...and, glory, glory, hallelujah, you kiss me! Now that’s the cherry on the ice...
After the first taste, I can see that you’re not a bad kisser...quite a good one actually...not too hasty, tender...and I’m feeling that feeling from before again...I try to reach out for it and hold it...and I can, for a moment at least...but then, you spoil it all, by saying something stupid like...well, it wasn’t “I love you”...

We’ve just met...I don’t know really much about you and neither do you...like most girls I choose for something like this, you also have your share of flaws...and like usual, they’re going to an extent where I know that the idea of anything serious with you is only an illusion...but that’s ok, as long as you don’t see right through my mask and intentions.
What I want from you? Your body? Well, not for sex for sure...you don’t have to worry about that...I want something more expensive, more valuable...I want your soul...your heart...even if it’s just for a moment...I want to reach that moment in which I believe my own lies for a short period of time and I want to bask in it!
I’m magically attracted by your story of a broken heart and I can see the inner sadness behind your eyes and your cool facade...maybe you want to pretend to be though, maybe you made your share of experience...I’m not sure, it doesn’t really matter...you’re fragile, I can see that...but not that fragile that you’d really learn something from your mistakes. I feel some pity for you, but the feeling of greed is stronger...greed for your misery, that arouses me...I feel the urge to “heal” you, I start to fall for my own mindtraps now. All I can see is a girl...a sad existance, but not by far as dramatic or desperately in need for help like I’m trying to tell myself...well, it doesn’t matter...it’s all in my head and I just want to live for that moment...and you’re gonna give it to me. You don’t want to? Well, I’m not asking for it, I’m demanding it. And I’ll get it...I just have to work harder on you...and don’t tell me you don’t want to, it was far too easy to get you this far already....
What worth is all the gold, the sex, the little kicks people get out of their so called luxury in comparison to feed off others people inner misery for your own happiness? Maybe you think it’s sick...but who are you to judge? Thou who’s free of guilt shalt throw the first stone!
May it be as it is...I’ve to set up a perfect scenery for this...and have to make sure that you won’t ruin this moment I’m working onto for me.
I think I’ll take you to the cinema...some boring movie should do the trick....the darkness...I’ll whisper sweet words into your ear until you finally melt away...then I’ll just kiss you...and suck the sweet misery out of you like a vampire would suck blood from your carotid artery.

Is it vicious? Do I’ve to care? Did you care? Everyone lives alone, dies alone...our paths might cross, but nothing lasts forever...we might as well learn to live for the moment. Maybe it’s sick, yes...but what’s sane in a world without innocence? Who can tell? Who can show us the way? Why not taking what we can get? And the best things in life are someone elses anyway...
So stop me, if you think you have to. Kill me, if that will please you. But I’ll not stop until I’m stopped. I’ll collect as many of these precious moments as I can. I may be a sinner, but it takes two to tango. I still have one thing that makes me inferior...I am aware of all this! Yes, I might think too much, way too much. And it’s often a curse. But it makes me aware of things. Things you might not even know yourself...so come, share those moments with me...and then, we’ll both fall back again and continue to live our meaningless life. Did we really care for each other? Hard to tell...maybe for that short moment? But wasn’t it all worth it then? It doesn’t matter if you forget me or if you think my life sucks...I know that already...but that’s what I’ve and you don’t...I’m aware of it....and I live for the moment...