Voyager

Sitting in my desolate room-being a desolate person,even people care about me-listening to "Voyager" from Daft Punk-the ultimate anthem for all people with wanderlust,while yet they're in such a mellow mood that causes this wanderlust...
This song always makes me feel so strange,it makes me feel like I want to leave all this shit behind me and just leave,leave this country,leave this world,leave all those shitty feelings behind...what happened in my life?
Today was my dads birthday...I still remember his birthday one year ago...that was a nice day,with sunshine,I had a good relationship,I could feel happiness...
Where do I stand today?It is a rainy day in this shithole of a country,I have a relationship,but it's not good,only cos of me,cos I can't feel any happiness and I drown and drag people down with me...ARGHHH!!!I can't take it anymore!I am so fucking sick to see all those happy couples around,I am so darn sick to know that other people can be happy!I am so really fucking darn sick of everyone who thinks that they understand me!FUCK THE SHALLOW PEOPLE!Why does everyone think that everything is so simple?That everything has to be the way it appears?Just because something looks black,it doesn't mean it is black!Just cos the sky looks blue to you,it doesn't mean that it can't look red to me or someone else!And just because my fucking disease gives me this inability to feel happiness,does it give other people the right to think of me as a retard or moron or think that I just talk myself into this?Gee,I wish it would be that easy!I wish I'd be really insane and all nuts...maybe then I'd get pumped up with meds and pills till I lose track and don't know anymore who I am and will finally stop to feel anything!Feelings...
What are feelings anyhow?I think when god or destiny or whatever created feelings,there were just dark and bad feelings and it was supposed to be like that-that feelings are nothing positive!And it was more like an unwished side effect that some feelings are positive...Cos just watch how people try to get those positive feelings!It's like feelings are drugs!Good feelings are the drug,once you had a chance to try them,you'll do many stupid things and bear a lot of pain(the negative side of feelings),just to get more...like a junkie who'll sell himself or steal or anything that might hurt him and give him bad feelings,just for another shot,another few moments of so called happiness...is it worth it?Same with love...we bear so much pain and suffer,just hoping that we'd be the chosen and lucky ones who get a small piece of the cake...but it ain't "piece of cake" at all!
I am so tired...tired of running after the good feelings!I had enough of the negative feelings...ya,maybe I am just whiney,maybe I really caused all this!But hell,it's not about who's guilty,it's about how to solve the problems!The Japanese already know that,so do I-when do they others get aware of this?
Life-where does it have a sense?We populate our planet and everyone is trying hard to make himself wealthy in some kind of way-either material or emotional or both.But is this all in life?I don't feel that this is enough for me.I felt so before,but now I feel desillusionated...I wanna travel the world,I wanna try to find a last enclave where sane people live,sane people who are from the same kind like me...I feel so fucking alienated here!Where do I belong?Germany?Asia?This planet?Is it about borders or simple things?I don't think so!I think there must be something above all this!
When I see what certain people reach out for...things like career,personal satisfaction,money,etc...I wish I could be like them sometimes...cos it seems those things are already enough for them to make their life rewarding...for me,I feel like I still look for a good thing to fight for in my life,but I keep searching and searching and can't find a thing.
I wanna be a voyager,I wanna explores undiscovered places
I wanna be a voyager,I wanna leave the earthly maces
I wanna be a voyager,I wanna reach for new dimensions
I wanna be a voyager,I am so sick of worlds detentions