I hate (my) life

Back again!Life is all about learning,and I learned A LOT in the last 3 weeks!My worst fears seem to become true now...
Why do some people think that life is so plain and simple?That you could categorize everything in it just into black n' white?That you can judge a book just by it's cover(that's not just about the physical appeareance!)...
People lie!I do it,you do it,everybody does it!But why do we lie?I think it's cause deep inside,we're all very,very egoistic and selfish!Humans and mankind seem to be naturally trained to think of themself and their own benefit first...and I think that's about EVERYTHING in life!No matter how much we try to lie to ourself and make us believe that we would do things cause we're nice and generous and we'd do them for others-BULLSHIT!We do them for nobody but OURSELF!!!
If I see the last weeks...how everything I've been fighting for,suffered for,cried for,just gets blown away from the wind into the arms of someone else,who doesn't deserve that AT ALL(selfishness speaking?),isn't that "great"?It makes me very angry!
For me,everything feels quite hope- and useless now...I have a inability to feel anything anymore,I became emotionally numb.And some jerks even have the guts to tell me that this would be great!While some others congratulate me for something that isn't as nice as it seems...why are people so simpleminded?I think it's cause they see EVERYTHING just from their OWN point of view and emphasize it to the worlds one and only truth,the one and only definition about the given topic...so what should we do now,pity them or hate them?Ignore them?But if yes,how?They're EVERYWHERE!!!
Life is really shit!It's boring and repeats,it's mostly pain or other feelings which aren't nice...the so called things that are supposed to make a life better are all quite overestimated,e.g. food,sex or love...food,there are some varities,but in the end,it's all just about taste and the same taste will show up again and again sooner or later...sex?hahaha,sex is the most darn overestimated thing I know!Whoever thinks that sex is really fun or whatever,well,I pity you people,you are really shallow and trivial,congratulations!And love?What the heck is love anyhow?I don't know it anymore and I think I ever did/will.
I am really pissed off,all I did,all I ever wanted,it's all gone,all my hopes,stolen,all my plans,ruined...sometimes I wish I could just lie to myself and illusionate me...but even for that,I'd be blamed or accused,like it always happened!Why the hell is it other peoples business?It's MY fantasy!!!!!I need it to struggle and survive in this freaking world!!!But thx to all of you,now I don't even know how to do that anymore...all my nicest plans and illusions are broken into a billion pieces,shattered on the ground...all the things that are left is my beloved sarcasm and cynism,but hell,I am not Nietzsche yet,quite too far away from the stage of nihilism...so what am I supposed to do now?I think and think(I think I think too much,but how to stop??)but I can't find the answer...and I won't listen to the others anymore,cause they know zip,they don't know what most of my problems are about...hell ya,I sound so cocky and arrogant,but it's a darn fact that my problems are maybe the same like those of others,but I've this strange way of thinking,I can't even understand myself sometimes(or hardly),how would others understand it then?
I wish they'd all drop dead and go to fucking hell!!!
Gee,I really changed...where's the nice naive lil boy who didn't think anything bad or did anything bad?He's dead I guess,he died on the battlefield of mindwars,betraying and backstabbing...Screw you people,I want him BACK!!!
I really hate my life...but not as much as I start to hate certain people who made me become like this...and they'll be surprised what I'm gonna do in the near future,I think it won't be too much Mister nice guy anymore...